Various thoughts

21 Jul

Sorry for not posting regularly lately as my schedule is getting a bit hectic as I mentioned on the previous post. Anyway, here are some pics of  foods (not in particular order)

steamed chicken meatballs - I haven't made these for a while..lately I've been making more meat dishes so he can have more appetite to eat.

can you believe I had some of these as breakfast 😛 - just plain or a bit of pb

Bunch of various oats for bfast

fruity oats

oats with bananas, low fat yogurt and some of my failed homemade almond butter

I’ve been cooking lots of Chinese herb medicine for my brother. Those stuff is super bitter and has a very strong smell. The whole house just smelled like herbs after cooking this. This is just one of those. I didn’t have time and energy to take pics of every single time I cooked the medicine. Basically you boiled the herbs with 3 cups (8 oz size) of water until it becomes 1 cup.

chinese herbs medicine ready to be boiled

took about 20 minutes until the water reduced to 1 cup - I think on this one it was a bit too much

wait for it to cool down a bit..then DRINK it. Super bitter, I'd tell ya.

Honestly, I’ve been having negative thoughts lately that I even had to rewrite this entire post. Prior to this one, I had another draft that I was so ready to publish and be done. Instead of writing down all of my negativity, let me just write down my most inner thoughts.

I do not quite like it when my parents want me to let my brother live with me, even after I got married.

I despise my relatives who keeps pointing finger and sort of “blaming me” for not taking care of my brother.

I do not like the “females have to do more housework than men” mentality in my family circles (my hubby is a total exception).

I like my hubby more compared to my family.

I wish I was born as a boy in my family so they won’t try to “mold” me into their #3 mentality.

My hubby is the only closest person to me, whom I can pretty much share all my thoughts. I can’t even do this to my parents.

Even though I have friends that I’ve known since college and high school, I still feel there’s a “wall or distance” between us.

I don’t see my work colleagues as friends. I only talk to them at work and that’s about it. I never hang out nor call each other unless it’s work related. Usually work and romance don’t mix well or depends on individuals, but for me both romantic relationship and friendship don’t mix well with work either. I met my hubby at his old workplace where I was interning and we dated while working together. It wasn’t a smooth ride either. Emotions got in a way, luckily it didn’t affect others around us. But from that point, I decided not to ever work together with someone whom I have relationship with. As for friendship at work place, it’s just way too much politics to deal with. Though my current workplace politic might not be as bad as other places, I prefer to draw a line. I don’t share too much of my personal stuff. For example, I bought a place. I know some of other colleagues actually didn’t mind that they shared that info. But you know what others saying behind them? They are jealous. They start to comparing themselves, how A makes more $$ so he/she can afford a house and the mortgage. That’s just one example.

I wrote this post at the most inappropriate time.

I don’t like it when my routine got disrupted.

Lately I’ve been feeling my exercise routine start to wear me down. Though I like the progress I’ve seen (not much visually but more strength and stamina), I start to burn out. I used to be leading sedentary lifestyle and exercise wasn’t really activities that I enjoy. I am far away from being athletic. Why all sudden I want to be active? Let me tell you something. My family doesn’t exactly have the best gene and stamina. My mom was ill couple years ago, because of digestion issue and now my brother is having something similar as well. I also have some hereditary illness which I am not going to discuss here. But fear not, it’s not life threatening but it can affect me if my body is weak. With all these facts, I presume you can understand my reason starting to be more active. As we’re on this topic, this will lead to another part of my thought.

I plan to be childless for the rest of my life. K also agrees with me on this matter. Part of it because of my family history, which I am not interested to pass another defective gene. Part of it because I realize I am not the most compassionate person. I even complain and whine baby sitting the full grown young man and having a child with his/her constant needs, I know I’m going crazy. People always say “it’ll be different if it’s your own child, you’re going to be lonely when you’re old, you’re going to change your mind someday, you’re going to regret it, blah..blah blah..
Enough with those! Just the of me carrying a living person inside my belly for 9 months and going through an unimaginable painful child birth labor just freak me out. I know I’ll be judged, flamed, and despised by women readers out there, especially the mothers. I apologize for that. Let me make myself clear. I do respect those who want to have children and I don’t judge them. So I’d prefer the same as well. Not everyone is meant to be parent and I know I’m not.

Sorry for such a long post, but I’ve been wanting to write these down for a long time.


Posted by on July 21, 2010 in food


Tags: ,

8 responses to “Various thoughts

  1. elaine @ Om Sweet Om

    July 26, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    I don’t think it’s possible to have “failed” almond butter. I love nuts, and nuts in any form to me is delicious! 🙂

    Ooo…I’ve never been a fan of Chinese medicine/herbal drinks. TOo bitter for me! eek!

  2. shesarunner

    July 24, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    I think it is good that you’re able to get out your frustrations and thoughts in your writing. I hope it makes you feel a bit better to get it all out. I’m so sorry to hear that your family puts so much pressure on you.

    I always thought I would never have kids. So I would never judge someone who does not wish to have them. It is a personal choice and I don’t think anyone should have kids due to outside pressure or because they feel like they should. It has to be something you really want, and if you don’t, then that is perfectly okay. I don’t have any kids, but at some point, I started to think that maybe one day I would. Sometimes I think I would make a terrible mother, but in the end I know that I will make whatever decision is best. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks!

  3. traynharder23

    July 23, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    spiders are HORRIBLE. i screamed when i saw it.
    and yes, costco on the first week of coupons is the WORST! WORST!

  4. jqlee

    July 22, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    Hectic? I can understand. I’m just getting to my google reader which is why I am late on this post.

    God reading all those things at the end there reminded me a bit of myself too. Or at least it invoked feelings in me. I would HATE to have my brother live with me if I was married. That is just awkward. Why can’t he get his own place like any other college kid? (if I remember correctly, he is in college right?) I’m sorry you have to deal with it. It has to be annoying. I know it SOUNDS bad because he is family but damn, you have a life too!! You are not responsible for him.

    I dont want kids either. I can’t STAND the sound of baby crying.

    Being active…it’s just such a good feeling to be able to run a mile w/o dying you know? You don’t have to be a pro athlete, what you’re doing already is great. Don’t wear yourself out. I’ve done it before. It does get exhausting!!

    • Jos

      July 22, 2010 at 11:27 pm

      Hi Jess,

      Thanks for your comment, really appreciate it. That’s funny, all these time when I read your posts, sometimes I could relate myself to you in some ways ..which is why I keep reading your blog..haha…Yes my bro is in college now….2 more semesters to go for his master. Oh well..yea it’s kinda annoying to have him living with me..but seeing him being sick for the past 2 weeks makes me feel a bit sorry for him as well.

      I’m almost done with the scheduled workout DVD and after this I might wanna take a little break. Might still be doing cardio here and there, but won’t be using P90X DVD religiously. Hopefully this helps.

  5. sagojyou

    July 22, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Girl, congratulations on getting everything out; it’s totally needed!

    The food looks good (what’s the third one?) and the tea looks very VERY bitter! It’s cool how you can “make” (brew) your own medicine! It’s a helpful thing, isn’t it?

    Interesting; I’m like you. Even though at school I talk to people, I don’t talk to them on the phone or hang out with them, ever. (there are about 2 or so people that I only hang out with; and it only happens about twice or so a year) So I’m kind of like you 🙂 And my bf is the one that understands me the most. (not as much as my parents, but) I can say anything and everything to him, and he won’t judge me. So it’s totally okay to think the way(s) you do. We’re all different, and no one has the right to tell you what to do. What makes you feel good is what’s important. 🙂

    And really, I think you should be really proud that 1.) you’re taking care of your brother and 2.) you have the courage to write all the negative stuff on your blog (because you might get criticized for how you think) It takes courage to do that, you know!


  6. traynharder23

    July 22, 2010 at 9:10 am

    food looks great.

    and sometimes, you just gotta vent. and we’re here for you.

    aug 27- the end of session c at ucla summerschool. she’s giving him AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE.

    other dates posed by my friends:
    Aug 11
    Aug 18
    Labor day weekend.


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